Jill 1

Every time I hear the word 'NO', I get
A little bit more desperate to hear
Someone say 'YES'. I feel the growing fit
Tug on my mind, the pressure in my ear
Building from being denied what it needs.
I start to consider asking someone
Who I know won't deny me, and like weeds
The sickness spreads through my head. I'm undone
Quickly (my defenses mere illusion)
When I reach out to him. I'm disgusted
At the pride he takes in our brief fusion;
But he said 'YES' and I'm maladjusted.
     Now I'll say 'YES' to these pills and this gin.
     To sleep, and to never hear 'NO' again.

The Poet's Hypocrisy

I can create a lovely song of joy
To describe how I feel when you are near.
I'll scribble notes like a nervous schoolboy,
Then sing them out for everyone to hear.
A seduction in verse, employing all
Of my verbal tricks, every metaphore
In my arsenal firing up the tall
Towers of your heart, knocking at your door.
And you reply, with composition and
Skill, that my efforts have won your day. You
Sing your song of joy, beautiful and grand.
But that is not what I want you to do.
     Actions, not words, are what keeps my heart fed
     Don't tell me you love me, show me instead.

Winning Strategy

Dreams are coming true everywhere I look
Ambitions are fulfilled so often that
The cries of victory flow like a brook,
Bringing nourishment to souls in combat
Those glorious heroes defeating all
The limits of this world with style and flair.
Dreams are coming true, from heaven they fall
And yet I find myself in this nightmare
Bloody and bruised and begging to be done.
Outwitted and outmatched, I am ruined.
I search my soul for strength and I find none,
Eternally damned in the way I've sinned.
     I want to give up and lie on the shelf
     Unable to stop defeating myself.

Our Night

We merry three, contagious in our glee
Race through the streets, wild animals at play
And bystanders just stare, amazed at the
Lovely spectacle, pure joy on display.
We merry three, chaotic harmony
Bursts from our lips like birdsong in a storm
And if we asked nature, she would agree
We play the kind of play that can transform.
We merry three, we know what we could be
If our embrace crossed the threshold of close
If my hand came to rest upon your knee
Within each other's eyes we would expose
     The secret dreams of you and she and me
     Into the carnal night, we merry three.

Athens

You see the way the system keeps us down,
And so you raise your fist to smash the state.
Your protocol is flawless and the ground
Is thick with all of your comrades. The wait
Is over, time is now. You face the force
Of what you would destroy, with uniforms
And shields, with tear gas and batons. Of course
They are greatly outnumbered, and the swarms
Of your righteous revolution prevail.
And once you've won, and once the state is smashed
You find that you are lonely, old, and frail.
Merely existing in the world you've trashed.
     Your push for change was not guided by love
     You rose against. You did not rise above.

Nature Abhors a Vacuum

I am the lonely void that's found inside
The heart of a hard working man, who makes
His way through life trying not to collide
With his desire, so fearful of mistakes
That he knows he can't avoid. And so with
Every passing moment he does his best
To deny himself the beautiful gift
That waits at his feet if he would just rest
If he would stop striving to be so pure,
To ignore the lies he's heard his whole life,
Give in to true love disguised as lust's lure,
Stop struggles that only service his strife.
     For when you walk the wrong path righteously
     Each step still leads to pain and misery.

I wanna write like John Darnielle...

Every day I laugh until I cry,
Tears falling down my face and over my
Wide smile. Every day I wonder why
I am so lucky that my heart could fly
Right out of my chest, exploding in glee.
Look deep into my eyes and you will see
A soul with burdens that pale next to the
Unimaginable size of what we
Have experienced. Even when I feel
Sadness, anguish, despair, or pain I steal
The smallest spark of good and I reveal
The truth that should be known by all who heal--
     Even at life's darkest, when all goes wrong,
     Breaking makes us heal, healing makes us strong.

Our Last Message

When you hawked Aunt Grace's heirloom bracelet
Even after your convincing show of
Sorrow after her death the whispered threat
To send you away floated like a dove
Into the dark, clear sky of our silence.
Letting you stay was an act of pure trust
Littered with false hope that the violence
Left in your history would not combust.
Only our trust was betrayed by hungry
Veins and angry fists that made our choice clear.
Even thru your tears everyone could see
You weren't sorry, so you're unwelcome here.
Only now we ask that you read the true,
Urgent message we have composed for you.

My Dance

I'm dancing on a dark, cratered minefield
Like a child at his own birthday party,
Skipping, jumping, and twirling as the yield
Of high explosives eats its way through me.
And as the shrapnel flies through my fleshy
Core, scrap metal flung through a jello mold,
I'm lost in celebration. I don't see
The damage done. My eyes do not behold
My failing fragile frame, barely able
To continue my dance of abandon.
I leak blood and bile, crimson and sable
But I will dance on until I am done.
     And when that day comes and I dance no more
     My bones will collapse, but my soul will soar.

Unmarked

Somehow I had found myself encrusted
In amber and preserved a million years.
And in my suspended state I trusted
Nothing to no one, let no prying ears
Hear the sweet silent song my heart would sing.
I found safety in stillness, I let the
Eons pass in solitude, lingering
Ev'nings into twilight, and they left me
Unfazed, unmoved, without a single scratch.
But then the amber cracked and I was free,
And suddenly time was more than my match.
I aged, fell ill, and in time ceased to be.
     I broke free, I cast forever askew
     'Cause I wanted to make a mark on you.