Monday, December 29, 2008

Winning Strategy

Dreams are coming true everywhere I look
Ambitions are fulfilled so often that
The cries of victory flow like a brook,
Bringing nourishment to souls in combat
Those glorious heroes defeating all
The limits of this world with style and flair.
Dreams are coming true, from heaven they fall
And yet I find myself in this nightmare
Bloody and bruised and begging to be done.
Outwitted and outmatched, I am ruined.
I search my soul for strength and I find none,
Eternally damned in the way I've sinned.
     I want to give up and lie on the shelf
     Unable to stop defeating myself.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Our Night

We merry three, contagious in our glee
Race through the streets, wild animals at play
And bystanders just stare, amazed at the
Lovely spectacle, pure joy on display.
We merry three, chaotic harmony
Bursts from our lips like birdsong in a storm
And if we asked nature, she would agree
We play the kind of play that can transform.
We merry three, we know what we could be
If our embrace crossed the threshold of close
If my hand came to rest upon your knee
Within each other's eyes we would expose
     The secret dreams of you and she and me
     Into the carnal night, we merry three.

Saturday, December 13, 2008


You see the way the system keeps us down,
And so you raise your fist to smash the state.
Your protocol is flawless and the ground
Is thick with all of your comrades. The wait
Is over, time is now. You face the force
Of what you would destroy, with uniforms
And shields, with tear gas and batons. Of course
They are greatly outnumbered, and the swarms
Of your righteous revolution prevail.
And once you've won, and once the state is smashed
You find that you are lonely, old, and frail.
Merely existing in the world you've trashed.
     Your push for change was not guided by love
     You rose against. You did not rise above.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Nature Abhors a Vacuum

I am the lonely void that's found inside
The heart of a hard working man, who makes
His way through life trying not to collide
With his desire, so fearful of mistakes
That he knows he can't avoid. And so with
Every passing moment he does his best
To deny himself the beautiful gift
That waits at his feet if he would just rest
If he would stop striving to be so pure,
To ignore the lies he's heard his whole life,
Give in to true love disguised as lust's lure,
Stop struggles that only service his strife.
     For when you walk the wrong path righteously
     Each step still leads to pain and misery.

Monday, November 3, 2008

I wanna write like John Darnielle...

Every day I laugh until I cry,
Tears falling down my face and over my
Wide smile. Every day I wonder why
I am so lucky that my heart could fly
Right out of my chest, exploding in glee.
Look deep into my eyes and you will see
A soul with burdens that pale next to the
Unimaginable size of what we
Have experienced. Even when I feel
Sadness, anguish, despair, or pain I steal
The smallest spark of good and I reveal
The truth that should be known by all who heal--
     Even at life's darkest, when all goes wrong,
     Breaking makes us heal, healing makes us strong.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Our Last Message

When you hawked Aunt Grace's heirloom bracelet
Even after your convincing show of
Sorrow after her death the whispered threat
To send you away floated like a dove
Into the dark, clear sky of our silence.
Letting you stay was an act of pure trust
Littered with false hope that the violence
Left in your history would not combust.
Only our trust was betrayed by hungry
Veins and angry fists that made our choice clear.
Even thru your tears everyone could see
You weren't sorry, so you're unwelcome here.
Only now we ask that you read the true,
Urgent message we have composed for you.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

My Dance

I'm dancing on a dark, cratered minefield
Like a child at his own birthday party,
Skipping, jumping, and twirling as the yield
Of high explosives eats its way through me.
And as the shrapnel flies through my fleshy
Core, scrap metal flung through a jello mold,
I'm lost in celebration. I don't see
The damage done. My eyes do not behold
My failing fragile frame, barely able
To continue my dance of abandon.
I leak blood and bile, crimson and sable
But I will dance on until I am done.
     And when that day comes and I dance no more
     My bones will collapse, but my soul will soar.

Sunday, October 5, 2008


Somehow I had found myself encrusted
In amber and preserved a million years.
And in my suspended state I trusted
Nothing to no one, let no prying ears
Hear the sweet silent song my heart would sing.
I found safety in stillness, I let the
Eons pass in solitude, lingering
Ev'nings into twilight, and they left me
Unfazed, unmoved, without a single scratch.
But then the amber cracked and I was free,
And suddenly time was more than my match.
I aged, fell ill, and in time ceased to be.
     I broke free, I cast forever askew
     'Cause I wanted to make a mark on you.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The New Highway Patrolman

As I exited the courtyard gate I
Saw that ornate ironwork pointed at me
With flowery dagger words of goodbye.
And so I hopped into my car to see
If it was possible to outrun grief.
The tree limbs, filled with newly-turning leaves
Shook slightly in my wake, like disbelief.
If the new highway patrolman perceives
Me as a threat I bet I could reach for
My wallet with a fast, jerking motion
Just right to make him unload in my core.
My heart pierced by lead, drained of emotion.
     Though I want it, I won't let it come true,
     I don't want my last thought to be of you.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Write now

I want to write words that will shatter skies,
To speak in pure power, to let loose the
Words that ring so true they murder all lies
And leave in their wake a reason to be.
I want my words recited by heroes
Mustering up the will to save the day.
I want my words in her ears when she knows
The time has come to shed her clothes and play.
I want my words to be a magic wand
That can bring dreams to life and right all wrongs,
That will allow me to escape death's bond
Each time a new soul starts to sing my songs
     But before I can make that fire ignite,
     I must sit here with pen in hand and write.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Tuesday Morning Burning Man

She holds her hands high in prayer and sings
Some secret song in a language I don't
Recognize. Her modest meal made of things
Blessed by those motions that I simply won't
Ever fully understand. The secret
Ritual of a bedouin beauty
Who has, ever so briefly, come to sit
In a desert shelter across from me.
I am on a temporary leave from
A life of place and possession, a home
That gives me enough comfort to be numb
To the wide world over which she does roam.
     But in that mighty moment she shows me
     Something special--another way to be.

Monday, August 18, 2008

I L--- You

You would be amazed at how much I've changed,
The way that time has molded me into
Someone so new, how I've been rearranged-
Torn completely apart and rebuilt new.
Like a collage with all your favorite
Memories clipped from the photographs whose
Remnants now lay scattered in the dark pit
Of your waste-bin, that you're happy to lose.
Oh I am now unburdened by that past,
Running happily to a tomorrow
Of pure delight and joy. I have surpassed
My wildest dreams, I have cast off sorrow
     If you could see me now, you'd know it's true
     But it only happened 'cause I left you.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Your Adventure

The adventure is laid out before you,
Like a table overflowing with the
Finest delicacies. A thousand new
Experiences wait so patiently
For you to take them on, make them your own,
To grow and be enriched in heart and soul,
Then come back home to find you are alone,
That those who stayed behind simply extoll
The virtues of exploring this great world
While staying locked inside their golden cage.
You are open, outstretched, while them are curled
Into themselves, unable to engage.
     You'll outgrow them, and you'll outgrow me, too.
     I weep, because I cannot be like you.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bad Games

Running, his feet pound against the pavement
The sound of his sneaker soles slamming hard
Ground echos off the walls of this cement
Canyon, audible fear filling the yard
Predator instincts find them following
Drawing blades like claws, tasting the pursuit
Like the bile that his throat is swallowing.
They draw close, he tries to find a new route
But all that surrounds him now are the teeth
The blades, the clubs, the dark sound of laughter.
His eyes are drawn to the ground underneath
His feet. His thoughts are on the hereafter.
     He chose this, to be attacked and beaten.
     He became prey so he would be eaten.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Magic should never be taken seriously

I want to make something perfectly clear:
I am within my heart-of-hearts a true
Romantic, an absolutely sincere
Believer in the joy love can imbue.
But that doesn't mean I'm not a sinner
Or gatorade for lust -- the thirst quencher.
I don't want to take you out to dinner,
I want to take you on an adventure.
Let serious feelings give way to play
Because we know that pleasure will provide,
And we don't have to have something to say
To feel surprise and wonder deep inside.
     So follow me now and follow me quick,
     And I'll delight you like a magic trick.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


I simply do not understand. What does
It mean when she looks at me with those eyes,
Like two circles of spinning green flame? Was
She saying she wanted me? Was it wise
To make a nonchalant comment, as though
It didn't matter at all, that I think
She shines like a wood nymph in full moon's glow?
Or was that a bit too much? 'Cause the blink
She gave, just a moment too long, seemed to
Indicate that it took her by surprise.
I think. I'm bad at reading signs, so who
Knows what she really thought. I know those eyes
     Are showing me the true state of her mind.
     But I don't understand, and so I'm blind.

     (Next time I'll ask her, and avoid this bind.)

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Broken In

On an ideal summer day, we laid on
An ideal plain. The soft cool grass tickled
The back of your arm as the clouds were drawn
Into wild figures by our minds. I mulled
Over that moment on the day you left,
Remembering your warm breath on my neck
As I swept broken glass away, bereft
Of understanding. I was a huge wreck
For weeks after, trying to comprehend
Your mind, as though I could somehow change it.
But now I no longer need to pretend
The past can be undone, now I admit
     A true victory, not some token win.
     My heart is not broken, it's broken in.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Struggle

It's as though the whole world is against you,
Planting a thousand tiny barbs along
The path you choose to walk, mocking your true
And noble purpose, saying you are wrong
To take a chance, wrong to be different.
They weigh you down with burdens and with shame
And every day finds a new torment
That you fight and bind and finally tame.
For while your heart beats you will not be through
The fire inside you will forever burn.
So yes, the whole world may be against you,
That just means the world has a lot to learn.
     You will succeed when all is said and done
     Because you are a fucking champion.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

July 17, 2008

When I was feral, I was set apart
Without the hold of civilization
I had no way to fill my empty heart.
No friends, no lovers, no congregation
To welcome me. And so I let them strap
A yoke upon my back and found rapport
With those who shared the space inside our trap
Hid my differences 'till they were no more.
The tamed me, like I told myself they should...
Until the day I saw towering flame
Created by those souls that understood
I can be close without being the same
     Now I flaunt my differences, unashamed.
     I'm not just feral, I have been untamed.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Call

So about last night, let me just explain--
I was walking upside down across this
Filmstrip of E. Marie Saint in a plain
Fur coat and fig leaf, describing pure bliss
To an increasingly bright audience.
I wept openly at the pure beauty
Of a smile shared between strangers, left prints
Of my right pinky toe all over the
Grand statue of the old patriarchy
And around the time I was conversing
With two chalk gods the future said that we
Really needed to call you, coercing
     Me into singing "we should copulate"
     ...I'm sorry I woke you so very late.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Failing Grade

I'm swimming in the shallow end, trying
To keep my head above water. Kicking
And flailing in stark terror, near crying
Ad the idea that by simply sticking
My feet down I will touch the soft bottom
And save myself from a death by drowning.
But instead I continue to succumb
To the still, silent waters now crowning
My head. Oh all I want to do is scream
For help, to call out to the crowded shore
And find my friends forming a rescue team,
To prove that I am one that they adore.
     But I won't call, because I feel such shame.
     I did this to myself, to test my name.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Saturday Morning, Flipside

I got really fucked up at this party
And woke up the next morning with my arms
Around my love. The previous night we
We pilots, navigating past alarms
Faster than the speed of light, holding on
To each other as we danced and kissed and
Shared with a thousand other bright young fawns
Of midnight a moment to understand.
As I lie there in the morning, alone
And holding no one else, I opened my
Eyes and knew--I'm in love. I am my own.
And now, when I look myself in the eye
     I can see what many hide on the shelf,
     I am worthy of love. I love myself.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Change of Plans 1

The first time I felt the future, it shook
Me like an earthquake. With a tiny kick
I felt my strategies shatter. It took
My grand escape from me and I felt sick
As all the dead fantasies blew away.
With my hand on her belly I learned that
The world was no longer mine, that new day
Had dawned. My world had a whole new palette
From which I would paint our beautiful life.
Then there was blood on porcelain, panic
As the ambulance took her to the knife
That saved her. That ended the tiny kick.
     My stupid youthful plans in time returned,
     But after the future they only burned.

Monday, May 19, 2008


His mind is a razor, it cuts so clean
Even when the most unexpected thing
Happens he reacts like it was routine,
And all that he says has that perfect ring
Of spontaneity that simply won't
Be learned no matter how hard one may try.
Though he is an old and dear friend I don't
Pretend that he and I are peers. No, my
Mind does not operate on that level.
I will never be as comfortable
With myself as he is when we revel
And my self-worth will never be so full.
     But competition was never the plan,
     With his friendship, I am a better man.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Sexy Beast

With shoulders broad and strong I will labor.
A beast of burden constantly striving
To accomplish something for my neighbor.
My body called to serve in my driving
Urge to make my mark on this world with sweat
And pain and muscle and anything that
I might have to give. I will make it yet.
Though don't think that I'm constantly at
Work, that labor is all that sustains me,
Because this beast of burden can partake
In powerful passion as well, you see.
And when I step and make the whole world quake
     I know that there's a secret, special pull
     Calling out--Will you try to ride this bull?


I am a moth, and with my dusty wings
I can explore my world. A tiny blur
That moves without intent around the things
In my environment. Then I see her
And everything is changed. She is the fire
That calls to me in the way she shines.
Her dance of flickering light can inspire
In this humble creature the greatest kinds
Of passion and desire. I am drawn in
And take to flight with but a single aim,
A great purpose that is realized when
I am consumed in her beautiful flame…
     Burning up, I have no other wish than
     To be a phoenix, and touch her again.