Can't Stop, Won't Stop

I am gonna make it through this year, but
I really wish I wouldn't. It would be
Much easier to pass than to face what
Is waiting in that dark future for me.
I can't comprehend how I will make it
Through twenty to forty more years of this.
But I know that I'm unable to quit
Even though I've lost my last chance at bliss.
Day will follow day, night will follow night,
And I wil be thrust through them with the force
Of pure inertia, and all of my might
Won't be able to stop me on this course.
     Life is long, with poor resolution
     I just want a permanent solution.

I Am Not Weak

It's that special feeling deep down inside
When you realize that she doesn't feel the
Same way that you feel about her. You hide
The awful ache and wonder what could be
Worse than this. Or perhaps it's more like when
You find that all of your friends have moved on,
You'll never be so close to them again,
What you called family was illusion
And now you have to face your life alone.
That's the tide rising around my ankles,
The winds of this emotional cyclone.
I know this feeling is the one that culls
     The weak and tortured souls that cannot see--
     Even at its darkest, life is beauty.

What I Am

I am a blind man with a burning urge
To paint the sunset I have never seen.
Fumbling with these brushes, trying to purge
This image from my mind, to make it clean
With the unknown things I think that I mix
On my palette. Making a royal mess.
I'm a boxer, throwing punches at bricks.
Striking hard blows and moving with finesse
Against an opponent I'll never knock
Down. Bleeding through my gloves, my knuckles swell
And burst. Hands stay up, remember to block.
Keep fighting, no one's there to ring the bell.
     I cannot be what I am and have what
     I want. Truth so sharp I can't feel it cut.

Last

Our kisses were like a chemical bond
Building, binding us together on a
Molecular level. It was beyond
Our understanding. Then it was gone, a
Flash of heat followed by separation.
And now what was so close is so obscure,
Like the signal from a distant station,
Buried by static, completely unsure.
I still crave you, and what we used to share.
I know because we still kiss in my dreams.
Building that chemical bond, unaware
That when I wake it will be to my screams.
     Don't wonder how I feel as you review
     The last sonnet I'll ever write for you.

Winning Strategy

Dreams are coming true everywhere I look
Ambitions are fulfilled so often that
The cries of victory flow like a brook,
Bringing nourishment to souls in combat
Those glorious heroes defeating all
The limits of this world with style and flair.
Dreams are coming true, from heaven they fall
And yet I find myself in this nightmare
Bloody and bruised and begging to be done.
Outwitted and outmatched, I am ruined.
I search my soul for strength and I find none,
Eternally damned in the way I've sinned.
     I want to give up and lie on the shelf
     Unable to stop defeating myself.